GHURKA JERKA
(Reference for a bearer, written in blood on 10th Air Force stationery)
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
This will introduce Theodore Mustapha Spirochitum Khan, a good and slothful servant.
Theodore Mustapha Spirochitum Khan says that he worked for me for seven weeks while I was in New Delhi, and that he found me
satisfactory but undistinguished.
Although I came to him with the best of references (A U.S. on my collar and an open American countenance), he feels he must report
some slight disappointment in me. In the first place I did not give him presents all the time, although he reminded me frequently that his last
employer, a certain Mrs. Doris Duke Cromwell, gave him a house in Westchester, every time he said "Salaam Memahib" - which was quite often.
Moreover, I was noisy when I came in during his afternoon naptime and he objected to my sleeping in the hall outside his room when
he was entertaining the dhobi, the dwaba, the dumbo and dothers.
My insistence on using my toothbrush twice a day caused him considerable trouble because a damp brush is not good for cleaning brass.
Although he had taken it for granted that I would be a Major soon, I never did get past a First Lieutenancy during the seven weeks
of our relationship and this caused him constant embarrassment in the pantry and the service bar. "There goes Mustapha Spirochitum Khan," other
bearers used to whisper. "You know, the one whose master, hasn't even been recommended."
However, he did manage to keep on speaking terms with his confreres by wearing both my Distinguished Flying Cross and its ribbon
at the same time.
It is with great pride, therefore, that I recommend you to Mustapha Spirochitum Khan. If he is considering you for his master you
must be a wealthy and powerful man. From the hospital bed on which I suffer from acute inferiority complex, chronic dhobi itch and sever bearer
bitch, I salute you.
Signed L.B.D.
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